When you think you can’t handle one. more. thing.

Posted on by
13

You know what sounds easy now? Taking care of 4 boys.

A little over four months ago taking care of 3 boys while pregnant was my limit.

Then meeting the needs of 3 boys while caring for a newborn became my challenge.

Then I asked for help from friends while my husband travelled and I cared for 4 boys.

THEN a stress fracture while caring for 4 boys. And my husband travelled. Seriously God?

When my 2 1/2-year-old got a stomach bug the morning I was trying to get the boys off to school, with a stress fracture and my husband out-of-town, I snapped. “I SURRENDER!”

Only three days before my foot x-ray I had written in my journal, “Just when I feel comfortable parenting 4 kids something happens to bring me back down.”

Then I read in “Jesus Calling”:

“Thank me for difficulties in your life since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.”

Some encouraged me & said, “I can’t wait to see what God will teach you through all this.”

Honestly learning a lesson was the farthest thing from my mind. Obviously I had not learned the “humility” lesson yet. I continued to “relentlessly replace ‘me’ with ‘He’”. (Remember I am NOT the God-Centered Mom. I am the self-centered mom. Being God-centered is an aspiration, not a reality.)

My mind was consumed with survival, not growth. How was I going to be the mom I want to be when I couldn’t even walk? How was I going to manage the behavior of my boys when I couldn’t administer consequences?

Since others said God taught them big things when they went through trials, my eyes slowly turned outward from me & began to look for the lesson. Here are a few things I learned:

-I am a “doer”. I do. I act. If something seems wrong, I fix it. Not being able to jump up and fix things right away, I was forced to be patient & allow them to fix themselves. What I learned…I don’t have to “do” everything.

-My way is not the “right way”. If someone else is willing to help, then their way is the right way. Otherwise it wouldn’t get done. Learning to let go of the frustration when things aren’t done “my way” was a huge relief.

-My boys need me to sit with them. In doing things my way I miss spending time with my boys. Just sitting. Realistically food has to be cooked, clothes cleaned, dishes washed, but souls need to be filled. Bodies need to be hugged. Moments need to be shared. I have been only meeting physical not emotional needs.

-Even when I could literally not survive on my own efforts. God provided. Even when I was determined to remain self-centered in the midst of this trial. He pursued my heart.

He repeated, “I’ve got this. What are you so upset about? The things you view as sooo important…they do not matter. See my gifts in this:”

  • A generous, helpful mother-in-law and time to bond with her
  • Quiet moments with each son
  • Focused time in the Word
  • A week of breakfasts in bed
  • A day connecting with your sister
  • Boys taking on more responsibility

I open the mail.

Those boys mirror the ages of my boys. I imagine their mom’s thoughts read: “You think you have reached your limit? I’m living in a cave with my 4 children. My ‘home’ is being bombed. I have no clue where my next meal will come from.”

*if you want to learn more about this woman & her boys in South Sudan read here at Samaritan’s Purse.*

It was as if my heavenly Father sent a version of the cliché message, “There are children starving in Africa.”

He said, “Eat of this life. Others are starving. Eat of my body which was broken. Drink the living water. Yes, you have challenges, but you have so, so many blessings! Even if everything in this life was stripped from you. You have me. What matters most.”

When you think you can’t handle one. more. thing., He whispers, “You CAN’T…but I can. Trust me!”

“…We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

And…

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

Few Favorites Friday: San Antonio Edition

Posted on by
3

For the second week “off my foot” I went on vacation with my little family. The six of us! This trip was planned long before the fracture. Since I needed help with the boys and my husband had already taken off work…we stuck with the plan.

Despite an injured momma and an exhausted hubby…here are our favorite moments from a wonderful trip to San Antonio:

Swimming…

Boys had such a great time swimming. Splashing. Sliding down huge water slides. Exploring the lazy river. Building sand castles. We loved having a positive outlet for all their energy! (cute matching suits…40% off from Lands End!)

Oodles of smiles from this cool guy…

Often while my husband was off swimming with boys I had the chance to rest my foot &  spend time with this handsome fella.

Sea World…

Fortunately we used the year passes we had purchased at Christmas to visit Sea World again! This time with preferred parking…thanks to my temporary handicap hangtag!

Motorized Wheelchair…

Unfortunately it wasn’t a totally “free” trip…since we had to ‘rent’ a motorized wheelchair. But that money was worth it. Since my day at Sea World was the most I’d stayed off my foot since the fracture occurred! The boys thought it was super fun to ride with me.

Feeding Dolphins…

Definitely the highlight of the day was being face-to-face with these amazing creatures.

Alamo…

Boys have read the biography of Davy Crockett & are very interested in wars/fighting/battles/etc. Seeing the Alamo was top of their list. They asked if there would still be blood on the ground. =)

Riverwalk…

My favorite part of San Antonio is the riverwalk. It’s beautiful & peaceful…yet lively. Various architectural styles preserved. Fun patio restaurants. Just wonderful!

Brotherly love…

During our trip wherever we walked somewhere my husband and I would catch my oldest two boys holding hands…a sweet sign of their friendship (didn’t capture a picture…tricky to do while on crutches). But did get this:

Board games…

One activity on my list I was hanging around the condo playing board games. Two different mornings we made that happen. Playing Monopoly Jr & Ticket to Ride.

S’mores…

The Hyatt Wild Oaks (condo bldgs next to Hyatt Hill Country Resort) is a beautifully landscaped property. One feature they offer is one large fire pit and four individual fire pits. One night we brought our own s’mores supplies and had some sticky fun.

Allowing boys to be boys…

A special gift for mommy…

Traveling with 4 young boys isn’t most couples ideal vacation plan. If you don’t have the luxury of taking an intimate Greek cruise with your spouse. I would highly recommend visiting San Antonio (especially if you live in Texas!). AND I would highly recommend renting a 2 bdrm condo at the Hyatt Wild Oaks. It allowed my husband and I the chance to relax in the living room or on the balcony after the boys went to bed. We also saved money on food by eating in the condo almost all our meals.

In spite of my injury I gained what I set out to gain from the vacation…great memories, focused time with the boys (individually and together) & quality time with my husband. Thank you Lord for the many, many blessings!

How to Cast a Vision for your Challenging Child

Posted on by
1

Remember my son who has challenged us lately? (read more here)

I shared with a dear friend my fears of what he was going to become. Worried about what he would be like as an adult if he continued with his defiance. Extrapolating his future based on a few flaws.

She encouraged me. Instead of creating a “death sentence” based on the negative, why not cast a vision for what I hope him to become. Speak words of life.

This was a month ago. Since that time I’ve experimented with this concept & it’s been wonderful. I have cast small visions (daily interactions with his brother) and large visions (becoming an Olympic swimmer). Instead of dooming him to a future I project, I’ve opened his world to new possibilities.

I’ve written more on this topic over at the MOB (mothers of boys) Society. Check it out here: Cast a Vision for the Man He Can Become.

These are the steps I’ve found most effective to casting a vision:

1. Keep a positive mindset

Don’t assume the worst of your child (speaking to myself here!). Remember that he is on his way to becoming a godly man. It’s a trajectory. Just because he demonstrates selfishness, rebellion, anger, etc. doesn’t mean God can’t transform his heart over time.  We are all “in process”. Believe it or not, I still sin. ;)

2. Think about what you would like him to become 

Instead of focusing on what you fear he will become, direct your thoughts towards the ideal. For instance, instead of dwelling on the graffiti-writing, hoodlum…picture in your mind the kind, thoughtful gentleman. Pray or seek guidance in Scripture regarding what God may have for his future. The visions I have “cast” for my son are based on truth. I’m not lying when I share how God has gifted him. Just highlighting it for him to see.

3. Keep your voice calm & communicate the vision with optimism 

I struggle with using gentle words. For some a sweet, calm voice naturally oozes out of their mouths. Not me. I have to be intentional. I have to decide to stay calm & be optimistic.

4. Hug & kiss your kiddos often

When I just had one child, maybe even just two, I never had to “plan” to show affection.  Now it’s a different story. Sometimes my desire for peace & calm creates a frustrated tone in my interactions throughout the day. So I have to be intentional to hug & kiss my little ones…particularly the challenging ones.

5. Pray together for the vision

When you pray at night with your children speak the vision over them. For example: “Lord, I lift _____ up to you. Thank you for giving him the gift of generosity. Thank you for how he shares with those around him. May you use his gift to bring You glory.”

What vision can you cast for your child?

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13

What She Could, She Did {The Sacrifice of Moms Matters}

Posted on by
Reply

*A sermon given by Abe Kuruvilla of Dallas Theological Seminary June 2, 2011 on Mark 14 inspired this post.*

She was a God-centered woman. Although no name is given for her, her sacrifice was tangible. God put on flesh. She stood in His presence with a humble heart. A simple alabaster jar, worth a year’s salary, broken for Him. Concern for herself absent as she poured the jar’s contents over His earthly head.

photo credit

But she had critics…they believed the money spent on the ointment should have gone to the poor. They scolded her, in front of Jesus. Yet he defended her saying,

“leave her…A good deed she has done to Me. For you will always have the poor with you, and whenever you wish you can do good  to them; but you do not have Me always. What she could, she did.” Mark 14:6-8

“What she could, she did.” Her gift was:

  •  Profuse: It went above and beyond. She gave all she could give.
    • Do we as moms see our jobs as a direct service to God? Do we go above and beyond? Or do we just get the job done…get it over with…get through the day? 
  • Pure in quality: She purchased the best quality ointment. The best she could find.  
    • As moms, do we give our kids the “best quality mom”? Do they get premium attention or the leftovers? 
  • Precious: Her gift was expensive…the equivalent of one year’s salary.
    • Some of us chose to literally lose salaries to give the precious gift of time serving our kids. Some give up being with their kids to make money for their famiy. Both sacrifices are precious. We may give up leadership roles, other service opportunities, or alone time so that we can be fully present with our families.
  • Praise-worthy: Jesus declares, “wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world, what she has done will also be spoken of in memory of her.” This woman, with no name, would forever be remembered. 
    • If you humble yourself by loving your children in the small things (feeding them, kissing skinned knees, changing diapers), in due time He will lift you up. 

 May your daily sacrifices for your children bring God glory because they are profuse, pure, precious, and praise-worthy. You may have critics who think your sacrifice is wasted. To God your sacrifice is essential. Fortunately all that matters is what He thinks!

*This post was edited from its original version posted on June 8, 2011

Few Favorites Friday: Fractured Foot Edition

Posted on by
3

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

A friend shared this verse with me when I was extremely discouraged. My response was: “Does it count if instead of “walking uprightly” I walk leaning slightly forward? Using crutches I’m more like 20 degrees off upright.” =)

I’m trying. This has been a challenging week…not in the way I thought it would be. Before I got my “diagnosis”, I was dreading another week home with the boys without my husband. Ready to be exhausted by responsibilities, whining, solo-discipline, etc. Instead it’s been a different kind of hard. I can’t do what I normally do. I’ve had to adjust my entire way of doing things. I can’t even be home alone with the boys. Another adult must be here to help me.

There were few things that I selfishly enjoyed that I can no longer: Dance class (where the injury occurred), working out in general, quiet time in my big leather chair downstairs. My dear friend encouraged me that I can still enjoy those things just in a new way.

My #hellomornings time has been happening in my bed…not ideal but it’s still happening. My exercise is now swinging my huge body on crutches. I’ve been able to sit and enjoy my boys. Filling their love language of quality time instead of service. And the biggest favorite of the week:

1. My Mother-in-law

Thank the Lord for my mother-in-law. She has done the jobs of both myself and my husband this week (laundry, trash, meal prep & clean-up, helping with sick kids, putting boys to bed). Without a single complaint she has served our family. She also brought joy & laughter into our home.  I’m so very thankful for her this week.

2. Breakfast in Bed

Remember in my post from Monday when I was upset because my husband didn’t make me breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day? Well, because of my injury my MIL served me breakfast in bed every day this week (be careful what you wish for!).

3. Highland Park ER 

The stand-alone emergency room we visited on Mother’s Day is definitely on my favorites list. If you are in the downtown Dallas area you should consider using the Highland Park ER for your next emergency. They are open 24 hours, 7 days a week. We were the only people in there, so I was seen immediately. They had a keurig machine, people! The staff were helpful and friendly. Now I may change my opinion when we get the bill… 

4.  Giant Bubbles 

One afternoon we mixed up this fun bubble solution…find the recipe here: Giant Bubbles.

We just made a 1/4 of the solution…we didn’t need 12 cups floating around.

Boys loved adding the ingredients…like a science experiment. They were blowing HUGE bubbles. Super fun. Highlight of the week.

5. Homemade Journal & 1000gifts…

I gave this gift combo to teachers last year. I’ve given it to my mom & MIL for Mother’s Day last year. I’ve given it to all my friends at Christmas. So I was a little nervous giving it as a gift this year. The book has been around for awhile & on the New York Times best seller list for over half a year. Thankfully NONE of the 5 teachers I gave “One Thousand Gifts” to, had read it!

This year when making the journal I got creative.

I wanted to buy new scrapbook paper & ribbon. However my injury prevented that from happening. To the 99cent composition book I glued a cute piece of scrapbook paper to the front. Glued a ribbon along the paper & binding. Then for the back, I glued a piece of plain scrapbook paper on which the boys painted their handprints. Turned out great!

6. Summer Celebration

Heard at a MOPs session that on the last day of school we should celebrate the start of summer. Telling our children how much we look forward to spending time with them, learning new skills, taking trips. So, with my walking boot & crutches I headed over to Dollar Tree. Spending less than $10 I got each of the boys:

  • Sunglasses
  • Water shooters (those tube shooters)
  • Spiderman helium-filled mylar balloon

7. No-slip, No-crease Hair ties–Amber
My super sweet, super fashion-forward friend Amber sent me her favorite thing. It’s elastic silk hair ties!
“They are absolutely wonderful. They don’t leave a crease in your hair when you take it down! You can find them at little boutique shops, but they can get pricey.  I found them on Etsy for cheaper!  Love, Love, Love!”
Here is the link to the Etsy shop: TuToo Cute TuTu’s

What were your favorites this week?

A God-centered activity for “blah” mommy days

Posted on by
14

*Would love to have a beautiful, reflective post about my injury…but I’m just not there yet. Continued prayers for quick healing are much appreciated.*

Last Monday I woke up and wasn’t feeling the whole “mommy thing”. We had just come home from a weekend trip. The travel exhaustion + extra chores = “blah” mommy. I wanted to stay under my covers and finish my book…but mommies don’t get that luxury.

I was pretty much a grouch all morning. A trip for lunch to a fast food joint began to turn my day around…but still felt really selfish. (side note: a week later I find myself unable to walk without crutches…what I wouldn’t give to just feel “blah”).

After nap time I decided we were going to redeem the day. Perhaps if we ended on one fun thing the boys would forget all the “blah” parts the morning held.

I pulled out the awesome Scripture memory book, “The Well Versed Family” by Caroline Boykin. I decided to do one of the devotional activities in the back. In order to get my boys interested I said, “Hey do you guys want to do an activity where you could earn $20?” They couldn’t get to the table fast enough!

I grabbed our framed chalkboard and wrote out this verse:

Caroline best describes what we did next:

“Take a moment and explain what the word ‘mediator’ means (in this verse: ‘one who mediates between two parties with a view of producing peace’ or a ‘go-between’)…Ask your kids, how many ‘Gods’ does this verse say there are? How many ‘mediators’ between God & men are there? Who is the mediator?”

We had a great conversation. Even talked about when you buy something at the store, the storekeeper is the mediator between the person who made the item and you, the buyer.

Then I walked them over to the stairs (again, Caroline Boykin’s idea). I told them to pretend that at the top of the stairs is “heaven” where God lives. In order to get the $20 they had to figure out a way to get to the top of the stairs under these conditions:

  • Don’t touch the stairs
  • Don’t touch the walls
  • Don’t touch the railings
  • Don’t bring anything with them

It was fun to watch their little minds spin. Trying to come up with the best way to get to the top. Notice my 4-yr-old attempting to “jump” up the stairs!

After throwing around some ideas, my 6-year-old said, “We need Jesus. We could pray for him to carry us up to the top.” He got it…kind of. 

I picked him up on my back and carried him up the stairs (yes, I had the stress fracture but didn’t know it!). To earn the $20 they only needed to ask me to carry them to the top.

For salvation, to reconcile ourselves to God, we need to rely on our mediator…Jesus. We can’t force our way. There is nothing we can do for ourselves. We must rely completely on the work of Jesus to gain access to our Heavenly Father. 

Some commentary on the activity:

-If you don’t have stairs, you can designate a room or couch to be “heaven”. Or you could do the activity when you are outside of the house at a location with stairs.

-No one received the $20, which they were all upset about. Claimed it wasn’t a good activity because there was no winner. So you may want to clarify that there may NOT be a winner.

-My eldest son (without the other boy’s knowledge) did receive $1 for understanding that we need Jesus to be with God.

-My four-year-old threw a tantrum at the end of the activity because he thought from then on he could only go up the stairs if I carried him on my back! We were all upstairs, he was down stairs and he didn’t know how he was going to join us. Poor guy! (make sure you explain once the activity is over they can touch the stairs).

-Loved when my four-year-old got to the top of the stairs. He was soooo excited to “be with God”. He said, “It IS heaven. See!” and he pointed to light shining into the hallway from a bedroom window.

What things do you do when you are having a “blah” mommy day? Would love some more ideas!

When Mother’s Day isn’t Facebook Perfect

Posted on by
14

You know the Mother’s Day clichés. Maybe you even were hoping for a few of them.

I went to bed on Mother’s Day eve wondering if my husband was going to make breakfast and serve me in bed. OR load all the boys up in the car & get my favorite Sunday morning treat…donuts! What special place would we go to lunch? Would I get a pedicure? An afternoon to read & sip hot tea?

The first sounds of my morning were hungry newborn cries. His breakfast in bed. It was  the first “happy” moment of the day. Knox slept 11 hours. in. a. row. Meaning hours and hours of uninterrupted sleep for mommy.

Picking up the baby to feed him, then picking up my phone to check email, Facebook, Twitter, I contemplated updating my status: “First gift of mother’s day…great night sleep”. Instead I looked at pictures of other’s homemade Mother’s Day cards…adding to my expectations, I wondered: “Would my boys make me a card?”

At that moment I heard brothers arguing from their shared bedroom. Then a slammed door…running feet…and the words “He called me stupid!” Not quite the gentle, early morning Mother’s Day greeting I was expecting. I responded, “Okay. Tell him you don’t like it, not me.” My husband got up and reminded them to stay in their rooms, quietly until 7 am. Then my hubby crawled back into bed.**

The questioning thoughts began: “Is he going to get up soon? We have to be at church at 9:45 so we can meet his family for lunch at 11:15. Maybe he could still make me breakfast and get ready for church if he starts after 7. I’ll let him sleep.”

An hour passed. I waited. He’s still asleep. My insides started to get angry. “Didn’t I sacrifice a lot for our family. Is it too much to expect one day dedicated to me? All about me? Serving me?” Finally I decided the boys must be fed or we wouldn’t make to church on time.

In frustration I headed downstairs. Fortunately my mood changed when I was greeted by this sweet face & the words: “Happy Mother’s Day, mommy! My robot wants to tell you Happy Mother’s Day too!”

It wasn’t breakfast in bed…it was better. No prompting. He spoke from his heart, making his words even sweeter.

For the past two weeks my foot has been bothering me slightly. It started after my favorite workout…Latin Fusion (a mix of Zumba and hip hop and so much fun). Even though it’s been hurting I’ve continued to work out…because it wasn’t that painful and seemed to just be a strained muscle.

Friday’s weight training was the straw that “broke” the mama’s foot. I couldn’t walk. Literally crawling around downstairs I was in so much pain. Saturday was more of the same.

Waking up Sunday morning to make my own mother’s day breakfast with an injured foot was not my ideal. It was NOT the perfect Mother’s Day Facebook status update.

Neither was lunch at Chili’s with 8 adults and 9 children aged 7 and under. Far from a sophisticated meal with tablecloths and fine china. Children climbed over seats. White shirts covered in queso. Moms quickly shoving food in their mouths. Yet there was laughter & joy & kissing a newborn brother.

After lunch I didn’t get coffee & read a book, but my hubby and older boys went to the   grocery store for us. Not a spectacular gesture but meaningful to a mommy with a limp.

The real fun came when instead of going on a date with my husband, he and I took a trip to the ER. Yep. Happy Mother’s Day to me!

I didn’t get a Mother’s Day pedicure…instead I got foot x-rays. Which revealed a stress fracture in my left foot. I didn’t get cute new neutral summer sandals…I got a clunky black walking boot and metal crutches.

Again, even when things aren’t “Facebook perfect”, there are gifts to be found. A quick trip to a new & super efficient ER (not connected with a hospital). A mother-in-law in town for the weekend and able to extend her trip to help me out this week.

AND the best mother’s day gift…sympathy and concern from three sweet boys. They greeted me as I entered our home teetering on crutches. My eldest asked: “If it doesn’t heal will they cut off your leg?” My 2nd son stated how sorry he was this happened to me on Mother’s day. My 3rd son, the two-year-old simply hugged my leg.

It wasn’t “Facebook perfect”. It wasn’t glamorous. But my Mother’s day was filled with little joys. Nuggets to hold in this messy, crazy season.

On these holidays and birthdays when the world shouts to make it “all about you”, I find myself constantly disappointed. Expectations left unmet. God didn’t create Mother’s Day. He created mothers. Mothers to love, serve, nurture, encourage, and teach their children. It’s only when I put on my “God” glasses and look for Him in my day that I experience true and lasting joy. 

**I did get my husband’s permission before writing this post. He apologized profusely for what he called, “his MAJOR daddy fail”…aka not making mommy breakfast. I think I’ve still got it pretty good.