When I had Knox, the older boys were just finishing up the second half of Spring semester. A month after he was born, I attended parent-teacher conferences. During one conference a teacher asked me, “When ____(insert name)___ does something he’s not supposed to do, what is his consequence?” Crickets. Oh shoot! Consequences? I had completely forgotten about consequences. What I wanted to tell her, but wisely didn’t, was ...
Posts Under Category: training tips
Help for deciding when to “let it go”
The Disagreement All the boys were rough housing, laughing, and chasing one another. Until Quade fell over and Price with his soccer-kleat-wearing foot accidentally stepped on Quade’s chest. That was the end of the laughter and the beginning of accusations and mud-slinging. My husband quickly grabbed the injured brother and took him to our car. The other brothers ...
Sibling Summer Survival Guide
The summer is great for so many reasons…{your list here!}. For us it means a lot more time at home (too hot in Texas to be outside, unless you are in a pool) AND a lot more time together. Given all this “time together” brothers can start to get agitated with one another. Buttons get pushed more frequently. Anger rises quickly. I find myself yelling, “STOP IT!” ...
How to Cast a Vision for your Challenging Child
Remember my son who has challenged us lately? (read more here) I shared with a dear friend my fears of what he was going to become. Worried about what he would be like as an adult if he continued with his defiance. Extrapolating his future based on a few flaws. She encouraged me. Instead of creating a “death sentence” based ...
French Lesson #2: The “Cadre” {Say Less, Pray More}
A few weeks ago I wrote about my latest realization…overtraining my boys (saying too much & not praying enough). Since writing that post, I’ve made a few more observations about the words that come out of my mouth… ~Five to One~ At a parenting seminar a few years ago, I learned: “A healthy relationship consists of 5 positive interactions for ...
My {in process} Story
I currently have a 3 month old and I am in the “feeding every 2 hours” stage of life right now. I have noticed my yelling has increased a lot over the past few months. I must sound like a crazy person to my 2 year old and my 4 year old. I really appreciate your post today because it helps me remember need a plan for those times when I can’t jump up and intervene.
such a tricky stage of mothering…they know you “can’t” follow through (well, I guess you could…it would just make one baby VERY upset…adding to the chaos). Let me know if this plan works for you!
I totally relate to your pendulum swing – from too strict to too permissive. Finding balance can be hard! Thanks for the post – it was a good reminder.
always glad to hear when I’m not alone in these things…thanks, Laura!!
I am pregnant with my 3rd baby boy right now and I can see this coming in handy in my near future! I love the questions after the consequence! I will use these with my 3 year old, who can understand and respond, and also my 1 1/2 year old, who will look at me like I’m crazy
Ha! I’m picturing the look on your 18 month old’s face. Yeah I would def say it has the greatest affect on those in my home 3 years and older. From the speech-language pathology perspective…”Why” questions are tricky for little guys. (pst…congrats on the 3rd boy!).
Ooohh, I like this. I shall give this a try! We do: 1. Why are you in time out/why did you get a spanking (depending on the offense). 2. What do you need to say (sorry for ___) and 3. mommy forgives you.
It works (kinda) but I like the better exploration of the event with your plan. Think I will still work on putting the sorry in there.
Thanks!
Oh yes!! thanks for the reminder Pamela. Definitely should have a “how are you going to make things right?” part of the conversation. Especially if misbehavior caused pain for another member of the family. Let me know if it works for y’all. Again…just another tool in the bag.
you talk about making them sit on the naughty step. How do you make a 13 year old do that I ask?
Oh kate! My oldest is 7 & I don’t even have that age figured out. I heard once you should be most strict when your children are little & then loosen up as they get older. Giving them more freedom & responsibility with each year. I also heard “rules without relationship equals rebellion”…again this advice comes from other “experts”. (which I do not claim to be!)
I have a 13 yo son, and usually if he’s being disrespectful to me or ugly to his siblings I send him to his “man cave” for a bit. (He has a loft bed, with a sheet hanging down to close off the part underneath for privacy, as he shares his room with two other brothers.) Usually he just needs some time to calm down, and then we can talk things through.
I always remember Sally Clarkson talking about how we would want to be treated – how on the days where I’m tired and impatient with my kids, I don’t need someone to come fuss at me about how awful I’m being. What I need is someone to say,” hey, you look stressed. Sit down and have a cup of coffee and let’s talk about it.” I think most of the time that’s where he’s at. He has a good heart, and he wants to do the right thing. His hormones and sinful nature just get the better of him sometimes.
just found your blog – thanks to Twitter! Awesome! We live in the same town, and I think we could be friends. :0) You seem to write in my voice! lol
welcome liz!!! gonna head over & check out your blog!! love meeting new friends.