I know I’m a bit of a geek…but science is pretty stinking awesome. Knowing God made all of it and cares about saving humans and put us smack in the middle, “size-wise” and “value-wise” is jaw-dropping cool.

Studying the microscopic and the telescopic makes me feel both big and small.

Seeing the magnitude of the universe, I can feel a little bit like a “Who” in “Whoville”. Going about my day asking my boys to speak kindly, carry their plates to the sink, buckle up seat belts…came be all-consuming and “important”. And yet “my world” in scale to the entire universe appears to be merely a tiny speck of dust.

My attempts to control the boys and my home seem a little ridiculous from this perspective. Like little ants in our new ant farm running through tunnels, digging new paths, working so hard to survive…inside a plastic rectangular box of green goo.

It can all feel small. Unimportant. Futile.

When I zoom back in to the small objects making up our world I find comfort.

Because the God who sees the entire universe (and when you look at the site you will grasp the amazing magnitude of this concept)…He knows every hair on my head (“indeed the very hairs on your head are numbered…” Luke 12:7).

the thick brown line is a human hair…

God doesn’t see me as “just one”, as a little “whomever” floating on a tiny speck of dust.

In fact…

“the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” (Genesis 2:7)

He is the God who sees me. And dwells in me through His Spirit.

His eyes never leave me. His ears hear my pleas for help. He walks with me. He even goes before me and knows what’s coming. He fights for me.

“O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.” Psalm 139: 1-4

He zooms in and knows my heart. Even better? He can change my controlling heart… He can give me a love for this tiny piece of the universe He trusted in my care.

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

When I act so important and think my opinion must be heard. He reminds me of the bigness of the universe and the greatness of His redemptive plan. That I don’t have to “work” so hard to make things work. I can my big plans “drop” and know His plans are sufficient. 

How does God remind you of your position? Your importance in His mind and yet the magnitude of His power and greatness of His plan.

The longer I read her blog the more I realized Jen & I had in common…she lives in Indianapolis (where I grew up)….she loves Jesus (me too!)…she studied speech-language pathology (yep!).

When I met Jen face-to-face a couple years ago I was one of those “trying to be cool” blogger fans. Okay maybe I didn’t play it too cool, but Jen was so gracious and fabulous to talk with. Her faith is genuine. Her heart is pure and lovely.

Even though we didn’t have our 4 boys exactly the same way (I’m convinced her way is 1000x harder), there is something special knowing another 4 boy mama who loves Jesus and writes about it.

A little while ago Jen told me about this book she was putting together. I’m sure you’re convinced everyone is writing a book. Maybe everyone is, but Jen’s book stands apart in my mind. Because in this case she is helping make our Summer 2013 more awesome.

Click here to visit KidVentures – by Jen Murray.*

Her book is called “Kidventures”. Inside are 50 different exciting outside activities to do with your kids.

What I love about Jen’s book:

1. The activity organizational charts (my type-A side drooled a little):

Jen has the 50 activities listed on two (easy-to-reference) pages. For each activity she marks the applicable categories–cold weather, creative,  DIY, active, food, explore, night, warm weather, etc.

Click here to see larger copy of Kidventures activity chart

            2.  Lots of new activities I’ve never tried before

             I was shocked to realize about 98% of the activities she included in this book I have never done with my boys. Not to say I’m some super mom, but I have found my guys need to be kept busy. The alternative is not pretty. So in keeping them busy I’ve set up a lot of Pinterest inspired pastimes. Jen introduced me to so many new ideas or ones I’ve considered but never executed (a.k.a. geocaching).

            3. For each activity she includes a supply list, step-by-step directions AND helpful tips/resources (if it’s a more complicated activity she even includes diagrams/drawings). 

           The very first activity I read about was the toy zip line. I was home with Watts that day so we gave it a shot (we tried the “indoor” version).

Oh my goodness was this a huge success.

Not only did he play on it for a solid 45 minutes. When his brothers got home they started experimenting with different toys.

And then that weekend they got even more creative with Bruce and extended a line from the top of the stairs to the front door (making it slightly tricky when someone comes to visit…but worth it).

Now that I have Jen’s book (thank you Jen for the copy in exchange for my thoughts!) I’m planning to take out my summer calendar and write in two activities a week to try with the boys. I have a feeling we will end up doing more than two…but I’ll start there.

I know if we don’t have a little bit of a plan for the summer it’s going to be a wrestling-watching-too-much-T.V.-frustrated kinda summer. So thank you Jen for help making our summer awesome! (my boys say “thanks” too!).

Do you have an approach to planning out your summer? Would love to learn more helpful ideas.

* affiliate link

I love how it’s a culmination of wisdom from all the mothers who have influenced me.

1. The Preparation:

• While I heat the water, the boys select their tea. I’ve placed all my tea bags in a wooden box to make the selection process even more special.
• We pull down their monogrammed silver cups and plates.
• While I select a few special snacks, the boys go and pick candles for the table (I have a drawer full of decorative, yummy smelling candles).
• After setting everything on the table (candles, tea, & treats), one of the boys picks a Bible from our basket (collection of Children’s Bibles) and another boy gets to pick which Bible story we read.

2. The Fellowship

• Before diving into the treats (which are sliced or cut into equal pieces), I say a prayer for our time and for the boys. 
• After praying, the boys like me to tell them about each treat and how many they each get (4 slices of banana, one Maraschino cherry, two pieces of Pop-Tart…high class tea treats).
• We discuss proper tea manners. Like using a napkin instead of your shirt. Or only taking one or two treats at a time to put on your plate instead of grabbing all of your snacks at once. Sipping tea instead of gulping it down.
• Just because it’s tea time, do not get any impression that it’s “proper” or stiff…there are typically lots of giggles and smiles.

3. The Discipling

• Once everyone is settled with their snack and drink, I open up the Bible to start reading the story. 
• This is the part that always amazes me. How one Bible story can lead to two or three. How what should be a 5 minute story turns into a 30 minute conversation.
• These boys are hungry to know God and His character.
• By the end of the tea I may have one or two boys on my lap looking at the pictures or flipping through the Bible.

My desire in this tea is not to make up for the fact that I don’t have little girls. It’s to create beauty in our home. Order out of chaos. To make them feel special because I took the time to cut up bananas and buy heart-shaped Little Debbie treats. For them to associate warm feelings with God’s Word. To know He is good and His goodness can be known.

These moments with my boys I treasure in my heart. I want to thank the following Moms for their influence–for wisdom in manners of hospitality, discipleship, and mothering. Thank you for helping me shape boys into mighty men for the Lord (who like tea).

• Sally Clarkson inspired me that tea is not just for girls, but a shared experience between a mother and a son. She also opened my eyes to the idea that motherhood is a ministry. Not something to “get through” but to intentional plant seeds of faith in tender souls.
• My mother spent hours at our kitchen table discipling women. Teaching others to study God’s Word and share His gospel message. She took time to make our home clean, orderly, and beautiful.
• Kat Lee not only inspired me to wake up before my children and meet with God (hard to lead others where you haven’t gone yourself). She also gave me the idea of teaching my children to study God’s Word. To put together a basket with study Bibles and a jar with prayer sticks. And as an “incentive” to serve hot chocolate.
• My mother-in-law modeled a way to engage with my boys through conversation over food. She also taught me the best way to make food more appealing…cut it into pieces (still in awe of how boys will say “no” to a banana but fight over slices of banana).
• Ann Voskamp opened my eyes to the gifts of grace when I sit across the table from my boys, stopping long enough to take in the freckled noses and bright round eyes of these little men. She also taught me to pull them in close at the times I most want to push them away (a monumental concept).
• My grandmother spent hours in a tiny kitchen to serve us mouth-watering food for community around the table. A woman who valued education and never missed a learning opportunity.
• My sister modeled parenting in grace and love. She always has some yummy baked treat on her counter for consumption, which makes a visitor feel welcome.
• My boy mom mentor, Leslie, taught me boys can be exposed to beautiful things so they can learn to appreciate them…music, art, and decor. She also knows how to throw a great party…making each person feel special by her warm hospitality and attention to details.

 Happy Mother’s Day!

“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.” (Acts 2:42)

This week I probably should be posting about Mother’s day or something. But I feel like I need to come clean about a struggle I’ve been having…it’s related to motherhood…

More than once I’ve found myself enraged by some sort of injustice relating directly or indirectly to my children (like one of those crazed sitcom moms…Claire Dunphy, perhaps?)

During a 1st grade birthday party I straight out “teacher yelled” at a boy, finger pointing and all. He had thrown his classmate on the ground and then walked away…I didn’t like it. But of course then I spent the next 30 minutes in conversations with the other moms who heard my “outburst”, convincing myself I did the right thing.

Going on and on about how “boys should be boys” is not a good reason to allow boys to be mean. How boys can be taught to be kind and treat each other special AND still run around, have fun and wrestle. How mean-spirited aggression is different from young boy energy.

But I left that party with a pit in my stomach. 

Why did I care so much? Why couldn’t I just bounce Knox on my hip, chat away with the other moms and ignore the “Lord of the Flies” moments between boys?

Then it happened again…after Price’s soccer game…my Mama Bear made another appearance.

The situation didn’t start off to be that big a deal. Instead of the usual trophies handed out to every boy at the post-game pizza party, his coaches hung dollar store medals on their heads right on the soccer field.

If Price had been a first born child this wouldn’t have been a problem.  But he has an older brother who has 3 different soccer trophies, each one given to him during a party.

The clincher for me was what happened next. They proceeded to pass out additional award ribbons. With each one they announced the category: “For best practice attendance…”, “For best dribbling…”, “For best attitude…”

All of this would have been fine…except for one thing. They gave ribbons to every single team member except for two boys. Price anxiously awaited hearing his name, standing as close to the coach as he could. His eyes following the ribbon to its recipient, occasionally shooting a nervous glance my way. While his teammates names were announced, he continued to wait.

As quickly as this informal ceremony began it was over. And they were out of ribbons. Price just stood there. One mom pointed out his lack of “recognition”…to which a coach hastily grabbed a medal identical to the one Price already wore around his neck. Placing it over his head he said, “For best double soccer medals…” Um what?

As they gathered for one last team pic, I make the side-comment (somewhat loudly): “Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to give away ribbons if not every boy could have one”. 

Price walked over to me a gently holding a medal in each hand. I saw the unsure look on his face, the wheels turning in his head, trying to make sense of what just happened. No trophy? No specific, special ribbon for him?

He began to develop his theory and process his feelings.

“I guess mom I’m a little disappointed. But maybe I got two medals because I am the best at soccer. And I did all those things double good.”

And to reinforce his positivism, I took a proud picture.

While my blood slowly simmered down, I answered,

“I bet that’s right Price. You had the best attitude, made lots of goals, helped your teammates. And you know what I also loved? When someone got hurt you stopped to make sure they were okay. You noticed. That definitely deserves two medals.”

Price taught me how important it is to interpret life with a positive attitude.

I truly can’t control the actions of others. I can’t control other children or other mothers. I can’t help a coach make better choices.

But I can decide for myself how I will interpret the situation.

Most importantly I can make sure I’m spending time each day in God’s word so I can hear His Spirit say, “Woah Heather. Settle down Mama bear.”

My “love litmus” test, a barometer of sorts, stems from: how well I react to life’s curve balls…how well I love in unlovely situations…how easily offended I am.

If love is patient, kind…does not dishonor others, not easily angered, then my “love level” is low when I’m impatient, unkind, dishonoring and easily angered. Right?

Yes I can speak out about injustice, but not with a passion that turns off the listener. Or not in a way that makes me appear reactionary instead of rational.

 “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” … (Good Samaritan story)

 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10: 25-28; 36-37)

Do you over-react in situations? Do you notice a pattern of reacting more when you’re out-of-sync with God? 

 ”Christianity means community through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ…Whether it be a brief, single encounter or the daily fellowship of years, Christian community is only this…Among people there is strife. ‘He is our peace.‘ says Paul of Jesus Christ (Eph 2:14)…Christ became the Mediator and made peace with God and among men.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Introducing…

photo credit 

It’s hilarious.

And incredibly simple.

Ready for the instructions?

One person asks questions and the another person answers every question with the word: “sausage”.

Yep. That’s it.

Here’s the catch (cuz right about now you think I’m a little nutty)…

You have to answer the question by saying, “sausage” and keep. a. straight. face.

A few examples:

Q: “What’s that in your ear?”

A: “sausage” (said completely seriously)

or

Q: “If you could only eat one thing for your whole life, what would it be?”

A: “sausage” (seriously)

Get it?

For a kiddo answering the question with “sausage” and NOT laughing and smiling is hard (but a good practice in self-control). And for the other little guy asking the questions, he gets to flex his creativity muscles in coming up with questions to provoke a giggle.

Quade taught us this game while I was driving the car. There was almost a laughter-induced car accident when I heard Price asked, “What’s the name of your girlfriend?”…to which Quade had to answer, “Sausage”. HA!

We’ve found this to be a handy little distraction while waiting for food at a restaurant. Or a great way to change the tone of a “too serious” or “whiny” mood during family dinners (not necessarily with a main course of “sausage”, mind you).

Because time spent together around the table, sharing laughter over “sausage”, as a family…is simply the best. Right?

Let me know if you play with your family & tell me the best laugh-producing question you hear (so I can use it during our game).

In honor of quality family dinners, I have been given the opportunity to giveaway a copy of Tricia Goyer’s book,

But you can still go check it out here:
Whit’s End Mealtime Devotions: 90 Faith-Building Ideas Your Kids Will Eat Up! (Adventures in Odyssey Books)

You have a chance to win a copy here on my blog…woohoo!!!

Giveaway ends May 7th, 2013. You can tweet about the book, comment below, or like the Adventures in Odyssey fan page on Facebook.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

That is until this past weekend. We made a huge leap in home-ownership maturity when together we successfully replaced a broken sprinkler head. Oh, yes we did.

Typically these projects lead to some frustration between us (not the “yelling” type but the subtle “you don’t know what you’re doing” side-comment type)…mostly due to our mutual ignorance and inexperience. But not this time.

What made this experience different? Well, this project required turning on each sprinkler station to see which heads were broken. It took all of 2 minutes before Price announced, “Let’s get our swimsuits on and jump through the sprinklers!”. How can you get angry during a home improvement project that involves cute little boys jumping through spraying water?  Exhibit A:

Right? That smile is contagious.

Work became play. Necessary became enjoyable.

Our delightful project reflected a change in my attitude lately. I don’t know if it’s an adverse reaction to the heaviness of the world around me or the freedom I found in being in His grace bubble...but I’m learning to lighten up.

Laugh more.

I grew up in a home of humor…Thursday nights in front of the T.V. enjoying “The Cosby Show”… Reading the comics with my dad on the couch each Sunday afternoon…Laughing big when family gathered.

Unfortunately, when I started studying the concept of “pride” & humility by practicing spiritual disciplines I took it all a little too seriously.  Like a monk in a monastery alone in the presence of God, my demeanor was contemplative and reverent. How do you mix a love of comedy with a heart for humility?

Then I read this quote about the famous theologian, Karl Barth:

He never took himself seriously and always took God seriously and therefore was full of cheerfulness, exuberant with blessing. (E.Peterson)

Love this: “never took himself seriously & always took God seriously”.

Karl Barth himself wrote:

The theologian who has no joy in his work is not a theologian at all.  Sulky faces, morose thoughts and boring ways of speaking are intolerable in this science.

How can we share the “good news” if we don’t look very happy about it? If the gospel causes us to moan and grumble, where is the joy in that?

The main thing is not to work for the Lord; it is not suffering in the name of the Lord; not observing the golden rule, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever” or in the vocabulary of Psalm 134, “Bless the Lord.” (E.Peterson)

Choosing to lighten up doesn’t mean stopping the work we have been called to do. “Go and make disciples” is still a thing. But it doesn’t have to be “work”.

I love how Bruce plays basketball and makes new friends while doing something he loves. And so a basketball court becomes the mission field. From a conversation while shooting hoops, he & I began a friendship with a couple from Korea (with a Buddhist faith) who have returned to their home country, gotten married and still keep in touch with us over Facebook.

like father like son (in his uniform he looks like a little mormon evangelist…)

Yes, we can’t forget our calling, but the main goal is to bless the Lord. He is blessed from our great delight in Him & his gifts. He is blessed in enjoying this world while obeying our call.

In the words of the great theologian Michael W. Smith, “There’s more to this life than living and dying. More than just trying to make it through the day…”

How can you use what you love to love others today?

After the Color Guard carried the flag-covered casket, honoring a life lost in service to our nation, the plane emptied in silence. I walked out of the airport to greet grace in the form of life friends. Seeing friends who loved me for my insides and not labels or latest trends stripped me of the first layer of “try hard” that weekend.

We drove to the seemingly vacant, seasonally tourist town of Michigan City, Indiana (nothing like being on the beach in the snow). Yet our little beach house with bright robin blue paint beckoned:

“Come inside. Rest your weary soul.”

There remains a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God rest also rests from his own work just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest... (Hebrews 4:9-11)

For two days, beyond talking, eating, sleeping, and crocheting (yes, without prior coordination, 4 of us brought yarn & hooks), we reminded one another of God’s love.

We reflected on His provision in the past. And how His never-changing character meant He would provide in the future.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

There was freedom to share doubt & concerns & insecurities. On Saturday night (spilling over into Sunday morning), each of us told her current story…what was weighing her down and how we could lift her up. After each shared, we circled round her in prayer. Laying hands and hearts, lifting up a dear sister to the only One who works in mysterious ways.

Apparently I was reluctant to take my turn as I volunteered everyone else before myself. Pushing off the inevitable….till the very last minute.

I don’t know why I resisted. These women offered a safe place–removed from my day-to-day life, yet kindred in a love of truth & mercy.

So finally I poured out my struggle of knowing God & His truth but not loving others well. I want desperately to show Christ to my kids, but often deal harshly and love conditionally, resulting in feeling guilt & shame…daily.

This is the image of hope these women gave me and I want to share with you:

Think of a time you felt God’s pleasure in you. Think hard.

Think of a time you felt Him smiling down on you.

Hold onto that image.

Now imagine His pleasure being a rope tied between you and God.

One friend said she pictured sunrays pouring down on her from God, His favor raining down on her. Reading the book “Jesus + nothing = everything”, she reminded us there is NOTHING we can do to make Him love us more. Nothing. You. Can. DO.

This was the piece I have been missing in this God-centered mom journey. I understood this life was not my own. I replaced myself & my kids with God in the middle.

And then I began the “serious work” to keep centered <— this is where I went WRONG!

It isn’t my work that keeps me centered.

It is His unmerited favor (grace) that holds me center.

He has me tethered to Him…whether I work on it or not. Whether I’m aware I’m centered in Him or not, He holds me in the center of His grace.

I have “gained access INTO this grace in which” I stand (Romans 5:2)

I picture myself inside a giant grace bubble, God pouring His love into my heart by His Spirit.

These disciplines (solitude, breath prayer, lectio divina) are not what make me more God-centered.

They are to remind me of my position…IN Him.

More than semantics, it’s a huge change in perspective. No longer working to earn His favor. Instead I am drawn to do all I can to be reminded of His favor. To sit and dwell and soak in His love.

Oh what joy and freedom and peace come from this adjustment in my mindset!!!

So lean in & hear me:

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ! I always thank my God for you because of the grace of God that was given to you in Christ Jesus. For you were made rich in every way IN him, in all your speech and in every kind of knowledge…He will also strengthen you to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.
God is faithful, by whom you were called into fellowship with his son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

(1 Corinthians 1:1-4)

Explosions at what should have been a joyous event.

A man hunt in a quiet neighborhood.

Even a car chase and arrest on my street.

I reflected on my experience at airport security moments earlier. Because of evil and fear, a female TSA worker performed a “pat down” around my bra line for any danger I may bring on a plane. Another worker confiscated my mousse and face wash.

Normally I accept airport security as necessary and don’t dwell too long on it’s intrusion in my freedom. But on that day mixed with troubling tweets updating the news in Boston, I felt sad. Sad for the land of the “free” and the home of the brave. 

Perhaps this weight for our nation led me to be more short-tempered with the boys the previous week. Instead of recognizing my fear I pushed it down while I attempted to fulfill my roles as mother & wife. But of course we can’t hide feelings, they come out one way or another.  (wonderful insight on this idea over here…a fellow mom of 4 boys with great ideas on not yelling for 365 days straight…warning some inappropriate language used)

Once I settled in my seat on the plane, the pilot stood outside of the cockpit facing the rows of seats and made this announcement,

“I know we live busy lives and it’s hard to think about bigger, important things. But I wanted to get your attention for a moment. Today we have the privilege…”

His voice cracked. He pulled away from the microphone.

“Today we have the privilege to bring home a fallen soldier. When we arrive in Chicago a Color Guard will greet our plane at the gate. Please remain in your seat and take a moment of silence out of respect and to say your respects. Thank you.”

A moment later I noticed the man in front of me wore fatigues. He stopped the flight attendant and asked her a question, to which she responded, “Absolutely.” (I assume he requested to get off the plane once we landed).

After take-off, the same flight attendant returned to the soldier in front of me. The only words I heard her say were, “first class”. Then he and the woman sitting next to him rose and walked down the aisle toward the front of the plane.

A minute or two later a middle-aged woman and her husband made their way back towards the empty row in front of me. After getting settled, they exchanged a kiss. Giving up their comfort for something bigger brought them joy.

In the midst of a broken world, this was my glimpse of hope. An act of selflessness for a widow grieving the loss of her loved one–a man who denied himself completely for this country–the land of the free and the home of the brave.

On that plane ride I read what Eugene Peterson wrote about the Hebrew word shalvah, which means “security”. 

(shalvah) has nothing to do with insurance policies or large bank accounts or stockpiles of weapons.  The root meaning is leisure–the relaxed stance of one who knows that everything is all right because God is over us, with us, and for us in Jesus Christ. It is the security of being home in a history that has a cross at its center. {E. Peterson}

the relaxed stance because…

God is over us.

God is with us.

God is for us in Jesus Christ.

True security comes in Him.

A history with a cross at its center.

Amen.

May you find rest and security in God alone. Knowing He is for you. with you. over you.  

uncomfortable uncertainty.

I mentioned speaking at a MOPs group last Friday, but I didn’t tell you I also spoke briefly that night…in the same room…to a completely different group of ladies.

When I said “yes” to our women’s minister, I didn’t really know what she wanted me to talk about. Then she sent me this question:

“How uncomfortable are you with uncertainty?”

Ask me about humility in motherhood, raising boys, blogging…I’m good. But uncertainty… hmmm…

My eventual answer?

I’ve never been a big risk-taker. Homeschooled from 3^rd through 8^th grade, having lived in the same house for 18 years, having a cautious personality, upon entering college I described myself as “disliking change” and “risk averse”.

Then I got married and moved 5 times around the country in five years. Instead of pushing back against the uncomfortable I began to embrace it. Being in new towns with new faces, sometimes without the comfort of shared faith (particularly in San Francisco), I learned to see each person as a treasure box to be opened and known.

Instead of seeking my comfort in a conversation, I looked to get to know the other person. To help them feel comfortable. To connect people to each other based on common interests/backgrounds/goals. Through my uncertainty I discovered a new way to “deny myself”…to deny my comfort.

deny…self.

On the heels of speaking on the topic of God’s Mission over Our Comfort, I have been given the opportunity to share with you a review Lisa Chan’s second installment of her True Beauty video series,  “Deny Yourself”. (maybe you remember my review/giveaway of her first video, “Be Still“?)

Here’s the trailer (if reading on email click here to see video):

True Beauty Deny Yourself TRAILER from Flannel Staff on Vimeo.

Mission over comfort? Denying yourself? Jesus’ words: ‘…any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:33.

These aren’t popular topics.

No matter how resistant you may be to the message of this DVD, the artful production and breathtaking cinematography will keep you watching. By the end of the video you may actually warm up to the idea of laying down your needs for another.

Lisa (wife of best-selling author and pastor Francis Chan, mother of 5 children) shares her thoughts on the idea of “denying yourself”:

We love to talk about: the love of God, the forgiveness of Jesus, the salvation God provides…after all, these things are astounding! But Jesus has always asked us to consider the cost of following Him. Following Jesus has always meant both death…and life.

This idea isn’t new to those raised in the church, but revolutionary for our culture. A culture full of “self-indulgence, inundated with lifting up greed, having it all…take care of me & mine.”

unbelievably undone.

My absolute favorite part of this video is the story interwoven among Lisa’s teaching. It’s a story about Irene. A woman, who fell for the “bad boy”, ended up pregnant and married this man despite his drinking problems and meanness.

After 10 years she decided she had enough, she was ready to leave him…despite his repentant heart and pleas for forgiveness.

A godly mentor of hers encouraged her, “God wants you to forgive him.” Irene heard God’s gentle reminder of how He had stretched out His arms, took His last breath for her. How could she want God to forgive her, when she was unwilling to forgive?

Once she decided to forgive, she also decided to obey God.

Sometimes we spend so much time in struggling and in misery because we won’t deny ourselves. God is saying, ‘If you would just do it, you would stop whining and complaining because you would be so filled with joy and peace.’

What we cling to is meaningless compared to the joy waiting for us.

For Irene and her husband, Domingo, they found joy and peace and a life worth living when they decided to open their home and adopt children without one.

In the video you see the precious faces & smiles of the 11 boys and girls who have found love, acceptance and family.  My heart swelled as Irene’s voice shared the background on each child, while that child’s sweet face filled the screen.

Included with the video is a devotional booklet with vivid color photos from the film, quotes, and discussion questions (even Scripture for further study).

How wonderful to think of all those lives transformed because of the redeeming work in Irene & Domingo’s relationship–from them choosing God’s Mission over their comfort.

Their story was a big story of obedience.  Lisa encourages us to look for small steps of obedience and denying ourselves. Opening the door for someone. Giving up a new shirt to new friend. Letting go of your right to be right. Listening more than talking. little acts of obedience.

Deny yourself. Take up your cross and follow Me. If you lose your life for My sake, you will find it.

Giveaway.

Great news? I am giving away one copy of the “Deny Yourself” DVD to a lucky reader. Tweet and/or comment below to be entered to win! Giveaway ended April 25th, 2013. CONGRATULATIONS Julie Wenning!

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When I hear the positive comments…

“Your son is so thoughtful. A new little girl to our Sunday School was upset and he sat right next to her and asked about her picture.” or “Your son has a great sense of humor.” or “He is such a cuddler.” or “He is the easiest baby in our class.”

…I know a simple ‘thank you’ is appropriate, but instead I quickly respond with a qualifier: “True, but he can also be a handful”. 

Of course the positive comments are nice to get, but I’m quick to forget them.

The ones which get engrained in my brain? The criticisms.

Everyone of my boys has gone through a “season”. A time when I attempted to pick him up from class as quickly as possible, avoiding eye-contact with the teacher, and never asking “Did he have a good day?” Because I couldn’t handle hearing one more time about his imperfect behavior.

The good news about having had each boy go through a challenging season, is I’ve toughened up. a little. 

{Ok, there was the time recently when I picked up one of my boys from school on my birthday and heard he had been to the director’s office (for hitting, sticking his tongue out at the teacher, & throwing a chair).  I did get bleary eyed.  As I left the school I saw the director and I said, “Well, that wasn’t the best way to celebrate a birthday.” To which she responded, “Oh it’s his birthday?”…Uh NO, It’s mine! His trip to the director’s office affected MY birthday because I hadn’t completely separated his behavior from my parenting. But I’m better…}

From my multiple encounters with teachers regarding my boys (yes, the oldest is only in first grade…but he’s already been to 5 schools!)…here are a few things I’ve learned: 

1. Remember he is a sinner…

It’s true. As hard as it is to hear from someone else that your child isn’t perfect…the truth is, he/she isn’t perfect. He is a sinner. You are a sinner. We all have failed and fall short of the glory of God.

2. Don’t take responsibility for his behavior…

When I get feedback from teachers, I try to keep in mind I have trained him at home. The teachers have set up rules and consequences in their classroom. Any misbehavior at that point is on his head. He has to own it. Takes me back to the “let him be a jerk” idea. Don’t apologize for him. He can apologize for himself and receive the consequences himself.

3. Ask the teacher how you can help…

Often times I am so embarrassed that the teacher thinks I am a horrible parent that I start explaining reasons he may have misbehaved instead of asking how we can work together. I think a few times my defense included, “This isn’t my first rodeo”…um, that didn’t go over well. One teacher told me I needed to be tough now because it’s harder when they are teenagers…she assumed we didn’t give consequences at home. This allowed me to explain our discipline system.

4. Teach the teachers about your child…

One time the teacher asked for my thoughts on the situation and ways they could help.  I told her I found my son to be uniquely logical (for a two-year-old). How his stubbornness lessened when an adult clearly explained the “why”. In another situation I shared my son’s love language with his teacher. Helping her communicate he is loved which facilitated his willingness to cooperate.

 5. Have hope…

We all grow up. We all change. I’ve seen my boys change dramatically. In my post on MOB Society today (a letter to my son’s preschool teacher) I refer to Quade being chosen to speak in front of a thousand people. Quade, the son who almost was kicked out of mother’s day out when he was 2 years old. There is hope y’all.

Be encouraged. Stay the course. Parent with grace & truth. Pray.

I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to share this video with you. Given the fact that I already had this post written for today, and taking into account the Boston tragedy yesterday…I feel like the Scripture Quade quotes here is appropriate. Once you see Quade walk up to the podium you may need to turn up the volume…such a treasure this boy is to us. (If you are reading this post via email click here to watch the video).

Have you ever struggled with accepting criticism from a child’s teacher? What tips can you share (either from the parent or teacher’s perspective)?